THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO ARE AT RISK OF SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS DUE TO BEING OVERWEIGHT IS INCREASING. WHAT IS THE REASON FOR GROWTH IN OVER WEIGHT PEOPLE IN SOCIETY . HOW CAN THIS PROBLEM BE SOLVED .

#people #risk #health #reason #growth #weight #society

In today's modern age,

obesity

has become one of the most dangerous threats in society. many

people

are suffering from heart attacks, overweight, and respiratory symptoms due to being overweight. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

we will discuss the main reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

higher

Correct article usage

the higher

show examples

incidents of overweight in society and several steps that can be taken to minimize

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

incident

Replace the word

incidence

show examples

To commence

Fix the infinitive

Commence

show examples

with,

Obesity

is a result of today's modern age lifestyle. Our sedentary lifestyle and more working-hour jobs paved the way for

people

to rush toward consuming more fast

foods

. Fast

foods

are high in calories and they're mostly made out of unhealthy products. The

second

thing to mention is

people

's lack of time for cooking, since they're busy working during the week, they have less time

making

Change the verb form

to make

show examples

healthy indoor

foods

. There are several ways in which

obesity

can be addressed within society. A simple way is through small organizations

such

NGO's

Change noun form

NGOs

show examples

to increase

people

's knowledge on

this

matter by presenting seminars and advertising the hazardous effects of

obesity

. The

second

that can be done is by raising

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

on fast food companies to increase the prices of fast

foods

. To sum up,

obesity

has

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

one of the most dominant issues in recent years, and is mostly related to the way

Change preposition

apply

show examples

lifestyles

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

been created. there are several ways

such

as increasing

people

's knowledge and raising taxes that

this

issue can be addressed.

Submitted by TUTOO on Sun Jan 01 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

234 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO ARE AT RISK OF SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS DUE TO BEING OVERWEIGHT IS INCREASING. WHAT IS THE REASON FOR GROWTH IN OVER WEIGHT PEOPLE IN SOCIETY . HOW CAN THIS PROBLEM BE SOLVED .

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries younger people are increasingly losing interest in teaching. Why is this happening? What can be done to improve the situation? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your own experience.

In many countries today, parents are able to choose to send their children to single-sex schools or co-educational schools. Some people think that children going to single-sex schools have disadvantages later in life. To what extent do you agree?

In many countries the number of visitors to art galleries has been steadily declining. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to improve the situation?

The pictures below show how tomato ketchup is made.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.