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Writing Samples
Band 5

Online shopping has become more popular than before. Discuss the causes and effects of this trend.

#effects #trend
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In the modern era, through the development of technology,
people
Use synonyms
`s methods for purchasing have changed, and now online shops play a vital role in how
people
Use synonyms
 buy their items.In the past, customers used to shop from in-store ones.
however
Linking Words
, it is not a positive development, and its drawbacks are outweighed. On the one hand,Online stores
use
Wrong verb form
are used
show examples
 more and more
due to
Linking Words
 the advent of technology.
Firstly
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,
although
Linking Words
 these modern shops help
people
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 to save extra time
people
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could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 make sure whether the quality of tools is at a high level or not
as a result
Linking Words
 of they cannot see what they buy in a person. To illustrate, if one buys their dress from the Internet, the size, colour, and shape may not fit them, so the articles, which were bought, could not be changed.
Hence
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, what can be said is that some online stores are a fraud, and their real products
have
Verb problem
are
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 far different from what they indicate on their web.
On the other hand
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, in the past,
people
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 used to go out shopping with their friends or family members, generally with whom they feel comfortable, which improves their relationship and happiness and
this
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 communication prevents mental problems
to occur
Change preposition
from occurring
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.
Also
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, isolation
has
Verb problem
is
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 reduced throughout their shopping and the depression, that
people
Use synonyms
 may face decreases
due to
Linking Words
 socializing with others.
Thus
Linking Words
, over-reliance on technology and the Internet are the causes of mental problems which we do have not sufficient awareness of. In conclusion, after the essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be stated that despite the various aids of the online shop, it is believed that the negative impacts are stronger
due to
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 the lack of awareness about the products and decrease in
a face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
show examples
 conversation.
Submitted by musab.private92 on

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task response
The essay addresses the causes and effects of the popularity of online shopping, but some points lack clarity and examples could be more relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the organization of ideas can be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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