IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have a great influence in shaping people’s idea. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

#mass #media #television #radio #newspapers #influence #people’s #idea
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There have been arguments about the
media
's effect on the next generation. Some
people
 believe that television, radio and newspapers are messing with
people
's heads, in fact, I completely agree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I will illustrate my point of view and support it with examples as well. First of all, we can all agree that the purpose of creating
content
 is so the creator would illustrate his opinion based on his perspective, not considering who will be receiving these ideas,
for example
, I'm a social
media
 influencer expressing my thoughts on my account but I'm unaware of who will be watching my
content
, perhaps kids or elder
people
 whatsoever, and
that is
 why I believe that kids should not be allowed to watch any
media
 without their parent's supervision.
On the other hand
,
media
 can affect adults as well.
For example
 advertisements, they convince you to buy their product even though it is not appealing to you, they use
this
 specific
technic
Correct your spelling
technique
show examples
 to grab
people
's attention and shed light on their product.
Nevertheless
, the human brain could easily get influenced so
that is
 why you should be careful about your choices, you should not be watching random
content
 creators or influencers. In fact, even after watching a television show a lot of
people
 get attached to the characters,
therefore
, they start to copy their personality traits out of nowhere. In conclusion, from my perspective, I believe in the power of social
media
 and how it can easily shape
people
's ideas,
that is
 why we should be specific about our
content
 choices and try as hard as we can to watch or read useful and educational stuff.
Submitted by Layanosama on

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task response
Ensure that all ideas directly address the task prompt and provide a clear opinion on the given statement. Additionally, support each idea with relevant details and examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat inconsistent. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear, logical sequence of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present and fulfill their functions, but make sure to maintain coherence throughout the entire essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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