IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their personal lives and professional lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives #risk
The ability to make crucial decisions is a desirable feature, especially if the choice is connected with some kind of
risk
. Sometimes it is invincible to take a
risk
 at work as well as in private life. I believe that the advantages are outweighing the disadvantages. The main reason why
risk
-takers are usually more successful is simple. There is a decent quote that one man said in the past.
Who
Change the pronoun
Whom
show examples
 nothing ventured, nothing gained. In every aspect of life,
people
 have to step out of their comfort zone,
in other words
, to take risks. In the office or in church while getting married. Those
people
 have faith in some greater goal that they want to achieve. In
workspace
Add an article
the workspace
a workspace
show examples
,
this
 thing can be a bigger income for instants or
people
 who want to build a family
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
 forced to take a
risk
 and rise a child, which is not as easy as it is said to be. Thanks to their bravery, they are always going to be in the winning position in comparison to those who wanted to stay safe.
On the other hand
,
people
 are usually egoists when they are thinking about taking some important, but full of risky moves. Because of that, the closest
people
 are victims of
this
 and have to suffer, unfortunately. It is
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to deal with co-workers or family
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 in
such
a situations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a situation
situations
show examples
. In conclusion,
people
 who can decide in which cases taking a
risk
 is beneficial are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
lucky ones. The others have to deal with
seconds
Change the noun form
second
show examples
 thoughts and live with anxiety.
Submitted by kuba.kuczynski13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: