IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, some children spend many hours every day using smartphones and other devices. The advantages of allowing children to own these devices outweigh the disadvantages? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #hours #smartphones #devices
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Children
 enjoy spending their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 on screen because digital
devices
 offer many games that they can play during their leisure time. Those games
also
 teach them something new,
such
 as languages, cultures, and many more.
However
, it can lead to negative impacts if the
use
 of those
devices
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not monitored by
parents
.
Hence
, I strongly disagree that there are more advantages than disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
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children
 owning digital
devices
. Despite
of
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apply
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having
Correct article usage
the advantages
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advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 of giving
children
many knowledges
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much knowledge
show examples
, spending too much on
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 or computer can lead to eyes problem. In
this
 technology era, many young people
in
Change preposition
at
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 the age of 8 or above already
use
 glasses to help them to see things that
far
Add a missing verb
are far
show examples
 away from them.
Also
, the research conducted shows that
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 can reduce
children
Change noun form
children's
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 long-memory. It gives impacts
on
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apply
show examples
disability to hold
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 for so long,
such
 as storing new
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 or
retreiving
Correct your spelling
retrieving
 concepts. Not to mention that it can bring them into
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 state of
lazyness
Correct your spelling
laziness
 where
instead
 of studying for
Add an article
an exam
the exam
show examples
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
, they would rather play video games. As the result,
children
 can be demotivated and get
lower
Add an article
a lower
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score
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scores
show examples
at
Change preposition
on
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 their exams.
Parents
 should hold
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 responsibility to educate their
children
 firmly in order to
limitate
Correct your spelling
imitate
show examples
 the
use
 of digital
devices
.
Parents
also
 can create strict rules on how much time they have to consume on the screen. In conclusion,
children
 can still spend their spare time on
phone
Add an article
the phone
show examples
 but under
a
Correct article usage
the
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 supervision of their
parents
.
Therefore
, both
children
 and
parents
 can feel the positive impacts
on
Change preposition
of
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 using digital media and
children
 can
use
 it wisely.
Submitted by annisadevinaa on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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