IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The increase use of mobile phone and computers makes people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phone #computers #people #ability #face
The advancements in the field of technology have not only improved the standard of living
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 ignited various tensity globally. Nowadays, a large number of
people
 are using wireless phones as well as computers.
Thus
,
people
 have fewer communication
skills
. I partially agree with the given statement. To commence with, due to the easy accessibility of the hyperspace more and more natives are preferring to use cellular devices.
Although
, many individuals utilize their precious time to communicate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 smartphone.
Thus
, several
people
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor conversation and interaction
skills
. To exemplify, Taiwan university made a report in 2015. It is clear that more than three-fifths of individuals including pupils usually use a smartphone, which is directly affecting on the brain because
cellphone
Correct article usage
the cellphone
show examples
emites
Correct your spelling
emits
 many harmful rays.
On the other hand
, numerous applications are available,
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to connect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 virtually.
As a result
,
people
 lose their
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
. Shifting towards the final view, the fact cannot be denied that, every coin has two sides
similarly
 electronic devices have both positive and negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
. When the inhabitants
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
cellular
Add an article
the cellular
a cellular
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the correct way. They can effectively learn numerous
skills
. To illustrate it, a plethora of articles are available on the internet which is helping to learn many new things and helping to gain
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
knowledge. On the other side, natives can take calls anywhere and everywhere using cellular phones because all these devices are connected to the internet. All aforementioned facts and figures lead to the outcome that, mobile phones have many pros. To conclude, unquestionably, it has
a advantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
an advantage
advantages
show examples
 more than disadvantages. When the inhabitants use a digital phone in the right way. They can easily learn many
skills
.
Submitted by lovishhhh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: