IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some think that it is better to get information or advice from other people, while others believe one can get any information or advice from the Internet or books. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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We all need suggestions in our lives at one or the other point. Many believe that it is good to take
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 from other people whilst others think that they should rely on
web
Correct article usage
the web
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 or books for the same. I support the latter view and
this
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 essay will discuss both
the
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apply
show examples
ideas in detail.
Firstly
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, those who prefer taking advice from others are more positive in their lives. They certainly trust their fellows in making decisions
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their lives.
For example
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:
while
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 choosing a stream after
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 school degree, students often take
views
Correct article usage
the views
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 of their teachers and seniors. No doubt, it is a better approach but with the increasing competition in society, it is difficult to have faith
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other individuals. As jealousy and peer pressure
is rising
Wrong verb form
rise
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, people
are
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apply
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rarely
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 honest advice for other
person's
Fix the agreement mistake
people's
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 welfare.
On the other hand
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,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and books are not
contaminanted
Correct your spelling
contaminated
 with
such
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 human feelings.
Therefore
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, they are more pure source of information when it comes to getting a good suggestion.
For instance
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: if you search on an application for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 career choice, it will give you vast results of all the opportunities and options available without any
judgement
Correct your spelling
judgment
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 or bias.
Moreover
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, it is easy to evaluate and compare the conclusions obtained from the web search rather than having an individual's opinion.
Hence
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, we can say that we should highly rely on unbiased
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 of information
such
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 as books, novels, magazines and
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
However
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, taking suggestions from people is
also
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 not harmful as long as the person you are approaching
to have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 good intentions for you.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly state your position in a more straightforward way. For example, you could state that while both sources of information have value, you believe that the internet and books offer a more reliable platform for advice.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs generally have a good structure, but ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. This can help improve logical flow.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more relevant examples or statistics to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and provide a clearer picture to the reader.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, which is essential for a discussion essay. This demonstrates a balanced view, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a clear progression of ideas, and you maintain a relevant focus on the topic throughout the essay.
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