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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having large number of toys ?

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It is true that some individuals purchase their sons and daughters
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hundreds
Change to singular
hundred
show examples
Use synonyms
toys
Change preposition
of toys
show examples
 to play with , and though
this
Linking Words
 essay is mostly beneficial, there are
also
Linking Words
 some negative aspects that will
also
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 be considered. One of the
first
Linking Words
 benefits of
such
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 a measure is that if
people
Use synonyms
 buy a lot of cars , dolls and other
toys
Use synonyms
 ,
children
Use synonyms
's thinking will improve.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
's interest in the world increases.
This
Linking Words
 would mean that
children
Use synonyms
 create their fantastic universe .
For example
Linking Words
, if you gift models of heroes to your
children
Use synonyms
, little ones will be
Add an article
a hero
the hero
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hero
Fix the agreement mistake
heroes
show examples
 in their world. Another advantage would be that
children
Use synonyms
 will be
Add an article
a collector
show examples
collector
Fix the agreement mistake
collectors
show examples
 who
colect
Correct your spelling
collect
 a lot of interesting
toys
Use synonyms
 . It is often the case that if
children
Use synonyms
 have two of the same toy , they can exchange
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
 their friends for another toy. Which
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the business ability of
children
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 , if
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
 are elder, they will be businessmen.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are disadvantages to
such
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 a solution.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, when
people
Use synonyms
 buy a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
, they will get used to it .
That is
Linking Words
, even when
children
Use synonyms
 grow up, they will play with
toys
Use synonyms
 .
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
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 they do not want to break up from their
toys
Use synonyms
 .
In addition
Linking Words
, buying too many
toys
Use synonyms
 hurt
people
Use synonyms
's family finances .
As a result
Linking Words
, families become poorer . Beyond that
children
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
 to receiving gifts from their parents every day. Parents may not always have enough money to
shopping
Replace the word
shop
show examples
. In conclusion, it has enough benefits and drawbacks which some
people
Use synonyms
 buy lots of
toys
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
.

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Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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