IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, it can be seen that the number of digital devices has increased.
Subsequently
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, it is taught that
people
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 may lose their
communication
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 skills. I partly agree with
this
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 statement
as well as
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 opine that
although
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 these devices influence our relationships, we are not missing our
communication
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 proficiency completely. On the one hand, even though our daily life has been facilitated thanks to telecommunication advancements like
Correct article usage
the inventing
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inventing
Replace the word
invention
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both
Change preposition
of both
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 cell phones and laptops , they sometimes cause a distance between family members and friends
due to
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 two principal reasons.
Firstly
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, if
people
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 have
the
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apply
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access to social media on their phones and communicate with others virtually,
people
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 will not be willing to see their friends in the real world.
Therefore
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, individuals tend to stay at home
instead
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 of going outdoors to visit a friend.
Secondly
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, today,
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people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 especially
children
Punctuation problem
children,
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 are entertained with online games
instead
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 of outdoor ones, causing
seculation
Correct your spelling
isolation
 and the inability to communicate face-to-face; because, usually, adolescents learn these skills through
socializing
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socialising
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.
On the other hand
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, even though a great number of technologies like smartphones are available, we have to show up in society for either
education
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educational
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 matters or work. To explain,
although
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 teenagers’ time is often filled with gaming consoles when they are at home, they ought to converse with their classmates or teachers when they are at school.
Likewise
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, adults should converse with their boss or Colleagues when they are at the workplace, in spite of working with computers, laptops or tablets.
Hence
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, dwellers have to keep company .
To conclude
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, I once again reaffirm my position that
while
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 new sophisticated
communication
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 devices can bring distance between
people
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,
people
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’s
communication
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 proficiency is not being lost as we have to go to either schools or offices.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first and last lines of the essay.
coherence
Use a topic sentence for each paragraph and keep one main idea in it.
coherence
Add easy link words to show how sentences and ideas go with each other.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling; use short, clean sentences.
idea
You show a real view of partly agreeing.
content
You talk about how devices can add distance but still need school or work.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • interpersonal skills
  • overreliance
  • digital communication platforms
  • convenience
  • efficiency
  • social bonds
  • enhance
  • bridging long distances
  • fostering connections
  • age groups
  • adept
  • integrating
  • landscape
  • emotional intelligence
  • nuances
  • striking a balance
  • limitations
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