IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring out a change. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Due to
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advancement
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advancements
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 in technology, various detrimental impacts can be seen which are arising from human actions. It is believed by individuals that
this
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 problem cannot be tackled, but others say it can be improved by taking effective measures. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views along
my
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with my
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 perspective. On the one hand, some people think that
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 impacts of human
endeavors
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endeavours
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 cannot be modified because of some reasonable reasons.
First
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The first
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 and foremost cause is to earn more money.
As it
Correct word choice
It
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 is commonly seen that entrepreneurs have a desire to accelerate their business development, which requires various things
such
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 as space, raw materials, and transport. Because of construction, many green areas are being cleared, resulting in
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
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 of flora and fauna. 70% of businessmen,
for example
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, remove natural spaces in order to expand their business, which would destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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diversity. Another important reason to consider is overpopulation, as a growing number of people leads to increased necessities in terms of food, shelter, and clothes.
Therefore
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, it would affect the ecosystem negatively.
On the other hand
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, the issue of extinction of plants and animals can be improved with the help of practical approaches. The first approach is the government should aware individuals
about
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of
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 the demerits of overpopulation by organizing camps, which would hopefully reduce the problem of habitat loss.
Apart from
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this
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, it is the responsibility of the central authority to impose a tax or impose a penalty on the populace, particularly proprietors, who destroy green spaces. By
this
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, ecological degradation would be overcome. In conclusion,
although
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 money and overpopulation are responsible for
devastation
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the devastation
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 of biodiversity, I believe that governments have
authority
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the authority
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 to tackle
this
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 by taking productive methods.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your points and enhance the clarity of your arguments. For instance, instead of citing '70% of businessmen', mention a specific study or source if those figures are from credible research.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more transitional phrases to improve the flow between your ideas. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily. Phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'Conversely' can enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, aim for a more engaging opening and a more impactful closing statement that reflects your opinion strongly. You might restate your main points briefly in your conclusion which solidifies your stance.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well by discussing both views as required. The discussion shows that you understand the complexities of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion structure which helps organize your essay. This is beneficial for the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative impact
  • extinct
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • habitat destruction
  • mitigate
  • reverse
  • stricter regulations
  • protected areas
  • endangered species
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • biodiversity
  • consequences
  • renewable energy sources
  • organic farming
  • eco-tourism
  • environmental regulations
  • sustainable practices
  • natural ecosystems
  • preserve biodiversity
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