IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People should be atleast 21 years old before they are allowed to drive a car. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #atleast #years #drive #car
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Nowadays some would argue that to receive a license to
drive
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 a
car
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, the candidate should be at least 21 years old.
While
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 others say that it depends on skills, not on age,
however
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, I personally believe that it depends on age. First of all, we should notice that the brain of teenagers or kids is not developed as fully. And they do not know what they do.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 is the main idea why parents are responsible for their children, who are not 18 old. A lot of scientists and lawyers approve that young adults can not imagine and realise their crimes.
For instance
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,
due to
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 punishment for teenagers' crimes as a prison for children, it is obvious that even the government think that their punishment should not be similar to adults. The second argument can be the number of accidents cars. Nowadays, there are a lot of opportunities to get a
car
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 and
drive
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 it. Because most sellers of cars do not care about consequences. Their goals are only to sell the
car
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 and earn money.
Whereas
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 teenagers use
this
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 mistake of sellers and
drive
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 a
car
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.
Moreover
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, a lot of bar charts and informatics websites show that the ages of drivers who have crashed cars are less than 20 years old.
This
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 is a clear example of why young adults should not
drive
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 a
car
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. In conclusion, having everything mentioned and weighed up, I easily can say that the restriction for ages to driving a
car
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 should be added.
Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure that examples are detailed and directly related to the points you are making. You can further illustrate your points by including more comprehensive examples or statistics that support your argument. For instance, provide specific data about the percentage of accidents caused by younger drivers or studies showing cognitive development in young adults.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your argument is clear, expanding on counterarguments would strengthen your essay. Address the viewpoint that skills should determine driving eligibility and then refute it with logical reasoning.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
supported main points
Your main points are effectively supported with logical reasoning, contributing to a coherent overall structure.
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