IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
There is increasing talk of a higher life expectancy for residents of many developed countries.
This
 is due to developments in technology and medicine.
As a result
, there are calls for an increase in the retirement threshold. In my opinion,
this
 is a good solution, but each situation should be considered individually. Many older workers choose to retire because they have massive
health
 problems.
This
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 even if they wanted to stay and support the company, their state of
health
 prevents them from performing their duties adequately. Which certainly translates into productivity and the results achieved by the company.
Thus
 causing great hardship and pain to the person performing their tasks. The situation is
therefore
 detrimental to both parties.
In contrast
, there are
also
 people in very good
health
 who want to continue working as long as it is possible. In doing so, they will not only develop their skills and maintain their good
health
, but
also
 make a positive contribution to the country's economy. At the same time inspiring and
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 young people that anything is possible. It is important,
however
, to remember that the designated age does not define our
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and ability to work. Some people may have the energy to keep working, while others at a similar age will not be able to take on any challenge. Of course,
this
also
 depends on many other factors
such
 as professional position, job title and salary.
However
, it should be possible to choose one's own time to retire. There are many elements that determine a person's specific situation.
As a result
, one should remember to consider it individually and choose the best possible option for both parties at the same time.
Submitted by nataliejakubowska on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: