IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #favourite #activities
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It is believed that
governments
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 play a role in protecting
people
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's lives by prohibiting some extreme
sports
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, while others think that it should be one's choice whether to take part in them or not. I agree with the latter view.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and
then
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 provide a conclusion. On the one hand, a
lot
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 of
people
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 opine that
governments
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 should ban these dangerous
sports
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 even if a
lot
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 of individuals seem to enjoy them.
This
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 is because these activities can impose grave health risks to On the one hand, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 opine that
governments
Use synonyms
 should ban these dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 even if a
lot
Use synonyms
 of individuals seem to enjoy them.
This
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 is because these activities can impose grave health risks to participants' lives; they can suffer from debilitating injuries,
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moreover
Correct word choice
and moreover
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, it can cause death.
For instance
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, a recent study has shown that skiing caused many spine injuries that lead to paralysis.
As a result
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, many
people
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 have called for outlawing these
sports
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 because of the hazards and the consequences associated with them.
On the other hand
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, it is argued that
people
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 should be free to choose whatever activity they want to do without any interference from authorities. The main reason is that each individual should be responsible and held accountable for his or her actions. As well as
this
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, it is not accepted that
governments
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 interfere in
people
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's choices, as
this
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 constitutes a major breach of privacy.
For example
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, recently, a survey has shown that over 50% of
people
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 do not like being restricted and limited in their options. As a consequence, passing laws to prohibit extreme
sports
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 may not be satisfactory for some individuals. To sum up,
although
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 dangerous games can cause serious physical
damages
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damage
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 to those who participate in them, they should not be banned because
people
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 should choose and decide based on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 inclinations.
Submitted by advaithsomula on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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