IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #favourite #activities
It is believed that
governments
 play a role in protecting
people
's lives by prohibiting some extreme
sports
, while others think that it should be one's choice whether to take part in them or not. I agree with the latter view.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view and
then
 provide a conclusion. On the one hand, a
lot
 of
people
 opine that
governments
 should ban these dangerous
sports
 even if a
lot
 of individuals seem to enjoy them.
This
 is because these activities can impose grave health risks to On the one hand, a
lot
 of
people
 opine that
governments
 should ban these dangerous
sports
 even if a
lot
 of individuals seem to enjoy them.
This
 is because these activities can impose grave health risks to participants' lives; they can suffer from debilitating injuries,
moreover
Correct word choice
and moreover
show examples
, it can cause death.
For instance
, a recent study has shown that skiing caused many spine injuries that lead to paralysis.
As a result
, many
people
 have called for outlawing these
sports
 because of the hazards and the consequences associated with them.
On the other hand
, it is argued that
people
 should be free to choose whatever activity they want to do without any interference from authorities. The main reason is that each individual should be responsible and held accountable for his or her actions. As well as
this
, it is not accepted that
governments
 interfere in
people
's choices, as
this
 constitutes a major breach of privacy.
For example
, recently, a survey has shown that over 50% of
people
 do not like being restricted and limited in their options. As a consequence, passing laws to prohibit extreme
sports
 may not be satisfactory for some individuals. To sum up,
although
 dangerous games can cause serious physical
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to those who participate in them, they should not be banned because
people
 should choose and decide based on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 inclinations.
Submitted by advaithsomula on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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