IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviors are no longer relevant to the modern life and no worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

In modern society, many people believe that traditions and customs are no longer required to
keep
Wrong verb form
be kept
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 as in the past.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay does agree with the statement that traditional ways need to be preserved to keep a good balance between the people in the
community
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, for
civilization
Use the right word
civilisation
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, it is important to preserve traditional
values
Use synonyms
 because it helps to remember our history.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it provides an
organized
Use the right word
organised
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 structure which allows for maintaining social
values
Use synonyms
. History and the system of a country have affected the lifestyle and the way of life of human beings in a nation. It keeps a good balance between the public and the
community
Use synonyms
. For example, wearing clothes is a custom in modern
civilization
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civilisation
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.
However
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, it was not mandatory at the beginning of history, but it is a well-known fact
by
Change preposition
to
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 everybody in the modern era.
As well as
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 if somebody violates
this
Linking Words
custom
Punctuation problem
custom,
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 there are laws against it in the present.
Therefore
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, we cannot neglect the customs the
community
Use synonyms
 has built over time. Social
values
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 help to shape the behaviours of the public.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a natural social hierarchy in the social unit of the family, and it has been maintained over the past years. In a
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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family
Punctuation problem
family,
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 the mother and father teach their kids to behave in a socially approved manner. It is important because children need to learn from their older generation about the
values
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 and standards that they have been keeping over time. In conclusion, it is important to keep the traditional
values
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 and behaviours to sustain the
community
Use synonyms
 and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.

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structure
Plan your writing. Start with a clear view in the first lines. Then have 2 or 3 main ideas in order.
content
In each paragraph, give one clear idea, then give a small reason or example to prove it.
content
Explain how the idea helps today. Use life examples from home, school, or work.
grammar
Use short, easy sentences. Check for big gaps and fix them. Look out for mistakes like 'In a ,family'.
coherence
Use simple links such as 'first', 'also', 'but', 'for example' to make the flow smooth.
structure
The writer gives a clear view and makes an introduction and a closing paragraph.
content
There are examples in the paragraphs to back up the ideas.
content
Attempts to link old traditions to life in today’s world.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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