IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviors are no longer relevant to the modern life and no worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

#customs #behaviors #life
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There are many
customs
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 and traditional ways of
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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in my country but as compared to the past these behaviours are no longer relevant to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
life
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 and
Add a missing verb
are no
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no
Correct your spelling
not
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worth keeping. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. On the one hand,
customs
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 and traditions are helpful to connect with the ancestors and old ones , these attitudes
also
Linking Words
helps
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help
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population
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the population
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 to believe in god.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person believes in procedure and tradition the person will celebrate so many festivals that happen in their country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Traditional and
habit
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habitual
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behaviour
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 become addictive and society believe in them without thinking as there are many rituals, traditions and
customs
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 which are not good and folk trust
these
Change the determiner
this behaviour
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behaviour
Use synonyms
 blindly which might be harmful to them. In my opinion, modern
life
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 has become more attentive and aware full of
customs
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 and rituals as they
first
Linking Words
 think if these
behaviour
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 are necessary and not harmful to them.There are many
customs
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 and traditional
behaviour
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 that requires so much expense
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 might not be necessary. To sum up, no modern
life
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 has not for about custom and traditional
behaviour
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 but
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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way of seeing things have changed and people think traditional and custom behaviours are no longer relevant to modern
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by t26tejal on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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