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Writing Samples
Band 7

Today more a more tourists are visiting place where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. What are benefits and disadvantages for tourist who visit such places?

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Nowadays, the number of tourists is significantly increasing, some individuals prefer travelling to America and South Africa for shopping and meditation.
However
, others prefer visiting challenging
places
such
 as the Empty Quarter or Siberia. In
this
 essay, I will explain the pros and cons of travelling to
places
 where circumstances are difficult.
To begin
 with, travelling to regions that include many struggles have some advantages.
First,
it helps the person to be brave and confident in overcoming hardships. A recent study showed that as much as you experience a difficult time , especially in a foreign country you will become more and more confident in facing your fears.
Moreover
, visiting
places
such
 as a rural farm in India or a countryside in Egypt will enhance your knowledge about different cultures.
For example
, my brother visited Tayma, which is located on the north side of Saudi Arabia, he found out how people communicate with each other and how they make Saudi Coffee.
On the other hand
, going to
places
 where conditions are bad can have some disadvantages. Some travellers who enjoy adventures
such
 as exploring a cave on a remote island or climbing a mountain can be in danger.
For instance
, a wildlife animal could jump and hurt you, a deadly insect could string you or a poisoned snake could kill you.
In addition
, Visiting these areas can weaken your immune system,and a high and low temperature can cause some diseases namely flu, dizziness and sore throat. In conclusion, some commuters enjoy travelling to remote regions, it has benefits and setbacks. Even though
,
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 it helps individuals to be aware of different cultures and be more confident, it can lead to death and weakness of the immune system.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring better transitions between paragraphs and within sentences. Consider using linking words and phrases to create smoother connections between ideas.
Task Achievement
Enhance task achievement by ensuring that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt more thoroughly. Delve deeper into both the benefits and disadvantages to give a more comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument well.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the mention of Tayma in Saudi Arabia, adds depth and relevance to the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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