IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that good health is very important to everyone so medical service should not be run by profit- making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #health #service #profit- #companies #care
The welfare lifestyle is so significant to live our life long. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether the overall effect of these private corporations has been positive or negative. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 personally believe that the benefits of private
health
care
 far outweigh its drawbacks these benefits are twofold
First
 of all, it is an indisputable fact that the companies operate the medical service privately, the clients might have a high quality of
health
care
 because
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 runs the private elevated service for the patients. As everyone knows, paying lots of money might give back a good result.
Thus
, the customers of the companies might be given satisfied
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 when the policy is run by the profit-making organizations.
On the other hand
, there are some disservices when some companies do not treat the medical
care
 when
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 runs the private
health
care
then
 all individuals have to pay more prices for tax because
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 would need money to conserve
health
care
 as well-being.
Furthermore
, it obligates taking a long time because all
people
inclined
Add a missing verb
are inclined
show examples
 to take the service step by step.
For instance
, most
people
 would agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
 who suffer from illness would be inceptive patients to take a treatment and
then
 young
people
 may have the late process. So the
government
 has to offer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plans for all
people
 equally. By way of conclusion, in spite of the fact that some advantages of the medical services
owning
Wrong verb form
owned
show examples
 by the
corparations
Correct your spelling
corporations
corporation
 are
required
Add a comma
,required
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 must be not handled by them. Because all citizens desire to have equal chances.
Submitted by asqar4997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: