IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some Countries have implemented mandatory community programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages for this for young people?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Doing charity is not only fruitful to the doer but
also
Linking Words
 to the receiver as well. Some nations organise mandatory welfare programs for adolescents in which they
work
Use synonyms
 with animals and the elderly. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline what I
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 to be potential advantages of
such
Linking Words
 a program
as well as
Linking Words
 demerits that are likely to occur. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of benefits to young people, there are two clear ones. The first one is personal development. Taking care of those in need always gives a sense of satisfaction. Helping and interacting with members of the community undoubtedly helps teenagers to become more compassionate and mature as they bond and learn. Even though they did not volunteer, still they
would feel
Wrong verb form
felt
show examples
 a sense of responsibility. Another less altruistic advantage is the
work
Use synonyms
 experience they gain through
this
Linking Words
 program. In future, when they apply for jobs,
this
Linking Words
 type of
work
Use synonyms
 experience would be beneficial for their CV.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some places, people between the age group of 14 to 18 tend to volunteer just to show something on their resume, when they want to
work
Use synonyms
 after high school. There are,
however
Linking Words
, some possible drawbacks to compulsory charity programs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, youngsters might resent being forced to engage. Participants should not be compelled to do these kinds of . If they
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to, only
then
Linking Words
, they feel more relief and fulfilment. When it is mandatory though, arrangements like
this
Linking Words
 might not impact the desired effect.
Secondly
Linking Words
, We can not avoid inevitable situations like illness or death when taking care of animals or the elderly. In
this
Linking Words
 case, without any adequate training, the experience may induce stress and anxiety in young minds.
This
Linking Words
 may have a long-lasting effect on them. In conclusion, I would like to say
,
Correct your spelling
that although
Although
Linking Words
 helping the community is a worthwhile goal, making
this
Linking Words
 kind of
work
Use synonyms
 compulsory can be counterproductive. For maximum outcomes, I think it will
valuable
Add a missing verb
be valuable
show examples
 if they volunteered rather than being forced.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of mandatory community programs for young people, but the introduction and conclusion could be more distinct. The main points are supported with relevant examples, but the response could be more comprehensive and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat inconsistent, with some unclear transitions between ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened to provide a more cohesive structure. Furthermore, the essay lacks coherence in presenting and linking ideas effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community programs
  • charity work
  • elderly assistance
  • responsibility
  • empathy
  • real-world experience
  • resumes
  • college applications
  • broader understanding
  • societal issues
  • cultures
  • genuine interest
  • academic performance
  • logistical challenges
  • coordination
  • support
  • time-consuming
What to do next:
Look at other essays: