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Band 5

People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measures can be taken to fix this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relavent examples from your own knowledge and experience

#people #measures #relavent
Being healthy is the priority of everyone in the community. And we all know the positive effect of exercise
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
This
 is to prevent us from any kind of illnesses that cause by being not active and fit. And
this
 is
also
 one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
obese
Add an article
the obese
show examples
 population is increasing. And
also
 there are some reasons why some
people
 refuse to exercise regularly. We are going to discuss all of it in
this
 essay.
First
 of all,
people
 starting to
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their perseverance to exercise
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a regular basis because of their work.
For instance
, those who are working multiple
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 in a day. They are leaving their
home
 early and come
home
 late at night. At the end of the day, they are exhausted and they would rather go to rest and sleep than
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
ther
Correct your spelling
their
the
 time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exercising. And even though they want to jog or walk for a while they are afraid to do it since pretty late and it will be dark outside. And if they will
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 at the gym it is another
expenses
Replace the adjective
expense
show examples
 for the.,
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 scenario, many
people
 are prone to illnesses.
On the other hand
, due to
busy
Correct article usage
the busy
show examples
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humans
Add a comma
,humans
show examples
 they don't have time to prepare healthy food.
Example
Correct article usage
An example
show examples
 of
this
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 nurses, they are usually very busy and tired at work. And no time to cook at
home
. They tend to buy food from fast foods before going
home
 and coming
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work. even though they know the consequences
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
, they don't have
choice
Add an article
a choice
show examples
. And apart from
this
, they keep on drinking sodas,energy
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 and chocolates to keep them awake for their job. In my opinion, there are a lot of factors why
people
 choose not to be healthy and
obese
Correct article usage
the obese
show examples
 population are increasing nowadays. I think the government should
be involve
Change the verb form
be involved
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 problem. They should provide everyone
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
free use of gyms with benefits if they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 specific pounds. And
politician
Fix the agreement mistake
Politicians
show examples
 should consider
to lessen
Change the verb form
lessening
show examples
 the release of business
permit
Fix the agreement mistake
permits
show examples
 for fast food chains.
Submitted by athena26 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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