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Writing Samples
Band 7

Most people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

#people #career #time #situation
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The role model nowadays is a career-orientated, successful person with healthy relationships with their family members. The main problem with achieving
this
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 standard is
time
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. You mostly cannot have enough
time
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 for both, which causes a significant drop in your performance at
work
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, or a less happy family. You will be burned out and tired at
work
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. Good solutions can be,
for instance
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, to find the balance, spend your free
time
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 with them, and go on holiday together.
This
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 essay will discuss the raised problems and find some solutions for them. As I mentioned before, it's hard to
work
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 hard at your workplace, and after a long, tiring day arrive home and not vent your stress level on your close ones. Being successful
also
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 requires
work
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 at home, which can lead to less spending
time
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 with your family. And if you try to, you'll be exhausted and tired at your workplace, and end up with a lower performance. Research shows that most American businesswomen,
although
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 they're so successful, are feeling lonely because they don't have partners or even
time
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 to get one and make a family together. As I listed above, there are possible solutions. First and foremost, you have to find the balance and focus more on one subject of the two. You have to learn to divide them, and spend the same
time
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 with your family and working. You have to share housework with your family members and save
time
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 for
work
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 at home, if necessary. You
also
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 must spend your spare
time
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 with your loved ones, and deepen your bonds. Spontaneously talking with them
also
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 helps.
According to
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 my experience, going on holiday
also
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 helps, where you can relax and not think about
work
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 problems for a few days.
Overall
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, I recommend a balance between your job and family.
Submitted by docents.steal_0z on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on possible solutions and provide more detailed examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically to make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, particularly in explaining the impact of overworking on personal relationships.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes effectively by summarizing the main points and offering a recommendation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • stress
  • burnout
  • family responsibilities
  • time management
  • relationship strain
  • prioritize
  • flexible working arrangements
  • telecommuting
  • communication
  • extended family
  • childcare
  • self-care
  • personal well-being
  • satisfaction
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