IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
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In recent times, the need to use social
media
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 platforms is an issue all over the world. Nowadays, it is no longer clear what effects spending
time
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 online using these sites ,
such
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 as Facebook or Twitter have on
people
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 as there are those who think that they have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 negative impact on young
people
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’s relationships while others argue that more benefits are provided when
people
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 use them.
To begin
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 with, those who state that social
media
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 sites carry more negative influence say so for several reasons.
Firstly
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, since the young might not be able to communicate properly with their peers in
real
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the real
show examples
 world, they rely on online websites and applications to meet their communicative needs;
for example
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, an introverted boy would probably prefer to meet a girl for the
first
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time
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 on the Internet than face-to-face.
Secondly
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, if young
people
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 spend too much of their invaluable
time
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 on those
media
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, they may put their physical health at risk, resulting in
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle which could lead to diseases,
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure. Despite
this
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 view, there are those who think that using these sites
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 more benefits to
people
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’s lives.
First
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 of all, in order to get to know different
people
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 and cultures,
people
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 may be more inclined to spend some quality
time
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 online, becoming familiar with all types of
people
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 worldwide.
Moreover
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, they can keep in touch with their old friends,
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 have not contacted for so long;
for instance
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, one can chat with a childhood friend
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 sweet memories and talk about their interests on a regular basis. In conclusion, while allocating social
media
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 platforms can have drawbacks,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 could
also
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 have many positive influences.
Therefore
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, it is my opinion that
people
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 may be able to benefit from online websites and applications by strengthening their
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
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 with their acquaintances and
also
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 strangers from all over the world.
Submitted by miladahmadi9619 on

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