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Band 6

If children behave badly should their parents take responsibility and also be punished? State your opinion.

#children #parents #responsibility
Perhaps the idea
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct your spelling
that
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 young people have been getting worse behaviour and their
parents
 should be responsible
to
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for
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 their behave which has widespread
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in recent decades with many
imdividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 holding different beliefs
on
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about
show examples
 it. I personally agree with the
above expressed
Add a hyphen
above-expressed
show examples
 statement, and there are many compelling reasons to support my
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
below
. To my
way
 of thinking in
this
 modern
century
Add a comma
,century
show examples
 many
children
 are entering to
crimely
Correct your spelling
crimes
crime
way
 because of incorrect upbringing or any kind of websites.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 contemporary
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 keen on
tecnologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 which are
takimg
Correct your spelling
taking
 their free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 as they play pugnacious games on smartphones. In
thus
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 statement
Add a comma
,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 do not blame the
children
. Because they take upbringing from their
parents
 and teachers. So their loved ones have to be well-behaved and gracious. And they should provide full of busy time of education rather than idleness. In current years many people prefer to earn money and make
oportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
's future
with
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in
show examples
this
way
. In most cases, it is
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
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 system to
youngs
Correct article usage
the youngs
show examples
 behave.
In addition
, not only the
children
 take bad behaviour but
also
 they will be
unemployment
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unemployed
show examples
in the future without
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 responsibility. In
this
 statement their
parents
 have to illustrate the correct
way
,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 they have to give
penalty
Add an article
a penalty
the penalty
show examples
. Because nothing else can repair their pity situation. It is true to advocate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
 should be accountable to their
children
 and to their upbringing. By
way
 of my conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 once again reaffirm my position that the
parents
 take responsibility and
also
 be punished when the
children
 behave badly
Submitted by asqar4997 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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