IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
Health
 should be the prime responsibility
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the government in any nation. All countries are required to provide free
health
 and
treatment
 services to their citizens, even if some of the expensive treatments are unavailable. From my perspective, I believe that medical facilities must be available to everyone because it is an essential right.
First
 of all, I believe that
health
 is important for everyone and all
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 want to be alive, even if they are not capable to pay for medical processors. There is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
majority of
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are below the poverty line and they cannot afford expensive medicine.
In other words
,
health
 authorities should provide affordable
treatment
 for poor patients.
For instance
, in the USA citizens whose income is less than 10,000$ per year are provided with completely free medicine. Another reason is that there are few treatments, which are too expensive for
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 to make available to
people
 for free use.
However
, there are a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
 who are willing to donate money to treat serious diseases
such
 as cancer.
Additionally
, in
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 it would be the right decision for the Ministry of
Health
 to cooperate with them.
For example
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
treatment
 is super expensive for temporary
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
, but when someone falls sick due to any dangerous disease,
then
people
 start putting posts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media to raise
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free medical
treatment
 should be the right of every individual
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all around the world because
health
 is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
extremely crucial for all of us.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: