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Band 4.5

Nowadays, a number of people with health problems are trying medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor Do you think this is positive or a negative development.

#people #health #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
Recently, a majority of
people
 prefer alternative solutions regarding their health issues
instead
 of following
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular and professional doctors. Even though it is normal to
try
Add the particle
totry
show examples
 solve medical problems in an irregular way, I believe that seeing
Add an article
a high
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high
Replace the word
highly
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 qualified
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 should be prioritized. In
this
Add a comma
,easy
show examples
easy
Correct your spelling
essay
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 I will argue
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the non
a non
show examples
non visiting
Add a hyphen
non-visiting
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 regular
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
few drawbacks. Nowadays, it is clearly stated the advancement of technologies and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 in the field of medicine lead to different choices in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of disease curing.
Besides
, the expansiveness of hospital fees,
the
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and the
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 long waiting period
make
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makes
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people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
try other possibilities. Another important parameter is the availability of other means of treatment, previously hided or not allowed in a number
a
Correct your spelling
of
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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, that even provide
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
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 high level of satisfaction,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 even better than what modern science is offering.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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many
people
 have been treated effectively by traditional practician while
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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 could not treat them.
However
, most of the nonscientific medical solutions result in very downside consequences. Providing that the working style is mainly based on experiences, rather than scientifically demonstrated
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, the
pretatment
Correct your spelling
pretreatment
treatment
 proposed
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 often not accurate and may
result
Add the preposition
inresult
fromresult
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 bad consequences. In conclusion, the fact that
people
 tend to replace modern treatments is a double-edged sword with certain benefits as well as undesirable consequences.
Therefore
, while I suggest
to consider
Change the verb form
considering
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 treatment based on sciences, I
also
 recommend
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
extend their treatment options if it is necessary.
Submitted by absamb on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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