IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that art is an essencial subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #art #children #school #waste #time
Nowadays,when our society is in the stage of rapid technological development, some people consider
art
 as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 useless lesson for
children
 at school,
while
 others support that it is important to have knowledge in
this
 field. It is agreed, that
children
 should be aware of different subjects and
art
 is not an exception.
This
 essay,
firstly
,will discuss why the idea of
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 uselessness of
this
 field is common these days,followed by an analysis of
abilities
Correct article usage
the abilities
show examples
 and values which these lessons have.
To begin
 with, people strongly believe that
art
 has been seen as a waste of time,since technologies progress and influence our lives. Undoubtedly, it is important to have an awareness of modern gadgets,
therefore
children
 should be provided with computer classes.
In addition
, some parents have a desire to teach their kids more in science or math,because of the growing need for experts in these fields of study.
Moreover
, they worry about
children
's future incomes and they keep them restricted from
art
,
due to
 the fact that an artist is a low-paid work position.
On the other hand
,
art
 is considered to be one of the most important subjects at school,because it develops imagination ,which will definitely have a positive impact on the future.
For example
,
such
 jobs as architects, advertising or content managers and photographers to name a few, require workers with highly developed creativity.
Moreover
, as we live in an era of innovations, a lot of new work opportunities appear and
for instance
,digital artists are highly paid.
Nevertheless
, not only the future is the main factor of the value of
art
,but
also
 the importance of saving humanity's historical heritage.
Furthermore
, each individual should have knowledge in different fields of study to keep their personality versatile.
To conclude
,
this
 essay agrees with the point of view that despite the importance of other subjects,
art
 should be included in the list of school lessons,
due to
 its undeniable value.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to state the main idea, and subsequent sentences to elaborate on it.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas and paragraphs more effectively using a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transition words. This will make your essay flow better and enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
To effectively achieve the task, expand on your ideas with more depth. Incorporate a range of relevant examples that concretely support your arguments. This ensures the examples are explicitly tied to your main points and illustrate them effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address all parts of the prompt in your essay. Clearly present your opinion to fully meet the requirements of the task.
task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, use precise language and avoid vague statements. Further development of ideas with specifics would help strengthen your argument and make your response more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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