Some people believe that study is important to success; others say that there tis no relation between study and success. Discuss both views. Give your opinion based on your experience

In recent decades, learning and obtaining skills through reading a book or
getting
Verb problem
participating in
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education
Replace the word
educational
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programs have become a part of improving human intelligence across the globe.
Although
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some people claim that there are no direct connections between studying and
wealth
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wealth,
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I strongly believe that studying is significantly beneficial to acquire a successful
life
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. A fundamental reason that I am a strong advocate of studying benefits is that it provides individuals with
indirective
Correct word choice
direct
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experiences of areas where they haven't experienced and a massive amount of intellectual knowledge for their own purposes.
For example
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, in regards to obtaining financial information
such
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as funds, stocks, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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to save money, it cannot be denied that financial journals or publications enable human beings to gain
indirective
Replace the word
indirect
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knowledge
which
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, which
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provides a potential possibility for people's wealth.
Thus
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, the benefits of studying should not be ignored to become a successful person. Based on my experience, it is a fact that earning comprehensive knowledge from school subjects or academic literature is comparatively advantageous for individuals' future plans.
For instance
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, I have learned
overall
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aspects of English
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such
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, such
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as reading, listening and speaking
for
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, for
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immigration purposes to Australia from South Korea. The basic study from South Korea enables me to keep up with brilliant communication skills with foreigners
becoming
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, becoming
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bilingual
and
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, and
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guides me to be connected with settlement in Australia
which
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, which
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is a kind of future success in my
life
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.
Thus
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, it is significantly essential for people aiming for a victorious
life
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to gain intelligence through educational programs. In conclusion, we are living in an era where there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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unlimited accessibility and the possibility to get information through libraries or
Internet
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the Internet
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website
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apply
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.
Therefore
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, I strongly suggest that human beings should not miss out on these opportunities to learn through an infrastructure which allows us to have a successful
life
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in the future.

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improvement
Discuss both views more clearly. Put one paragraph on the opposing idea before you state your own view.
improvement
Make links between ideas using simple connects like first, also, but, for example to help flow.
improvement
Give specific, simple examples that fit the topic and show how study helps in life or work.
improvement
Watch for grammar and word use. Use short, clear sentences to avoid errors.
strength
The essay has a clear place for introduction and conclusion.
strength
There is a personal example from your life which supports your view.
strength
Overall, the idea is easy to follow and you answer the question.
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