IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#consideration #career #job #income
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly
money
Use synonyms
 is the deciding factor in the selection of a
job
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe high income allows them to provide financial security for themselves and their families. Whether or not
money
Use synonyms
 is a significant factor in choosing a
job
Use synonyms
, considering each person's interest. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will give my opinion and describe why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
I
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 whit
this
Linking Words
 statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 whit the importance of
money
Use synonyms
 in society is unavoidable. So most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 after careers with high incomes. ,Witch it’s a wise decision to make. A career with high salaries, probably won’t need
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 amount
time
Use synonyms
 of work and
also
Linking Words
 you may provide yourself less difficult life.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 each career has its own difficulty and even in choosing the following
job
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 should consider their interests as well.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 making
money
Use synonyms
 feels good and elevates
people
Use synonyms
's motivations, but it might make you exhausted after a while. So for making an even wiser decision it’s better to choose a high-income
job
Use synonyms
refers
Correct pronoun usage
that refers
show examples
 to your interest.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 unlike only a few numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to select a
job
Use synonyms
 without thinking about financial problems in the future and its consequences, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 choose to select their
job
Use synonyms
 professionally and spend
time
Use synonyms
 enjoying their interest as a hobby at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, choosing a
job
Use synonyms
 as a surgeon and following painting skills in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
my leisure
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
 the following statement doesn’t mean painters can’t make
money
Use synonyms
 as surgeons,
this
Linking Words
 is just a personal theory.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having a high income can’t be the only factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 choosing a career. There are more important factors to consider. There are always easier choices for having markable incomes, which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might be illegal or against
humanity
Replace the word
human
show examples
 rights.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
 we should put these moral factors
first
Linking Words
 and think if the selected
job
Use synonyms
 is useful for society or if it brings any benefit to humanity,
also
Linking Words
 defining the advantages and disadvantages of the selected
job
Use synonyms
. To conclude, in my view, having a noticeable income should be considered in total because somehow our entire life depends on it, due to the moral side of it and our interests, it’s better to consider all before making a decision.
Submitted by negarqaemi24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: