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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to provide direct help and support to those in local communities. Others, however, prefer to donate money to national and international charitable organizations.

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People
Use synonyms
 have different opinions about the ways to support those who need help; two of which are direct help, offering help and support in the local communities, and indirect ones, taking the form of donating
money
Use synonyms
 to charitable
organizations
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.
Although
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 there are some benefits to indirect assistance, I still believe it is better to provide help directly. Some argue that it is advantageous to donate
money
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 to charitable
organizations
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 because they believe that the
money
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 donated to
organizations
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 like
such
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 could be effectively utilized for helping
others
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.
Such
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 effectiveness is exhibited through the scale of the charitable
organization
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, meaning that the more established it is, the more competent it seems at helping those in need; there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more cumulated wealth in the
organization
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 that could be useful for operating charitable deeds,
such
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 as hiring those who know how to help
others
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 and being able to purchase resources that are necessary for those in need.
Therefore
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, because of the sheer scale of the
organization
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, those in need would turn to it for help, and
people
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 who wish to donate but do not have a good
understand
Change the form of the verb
understanding
show examples
 of how charity works would
also
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 turn to
such
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entity
Correct article usage
an entity
show examples
 and donate
money
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 there.
This
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 kind of credibility based on its size encourages
people
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 to donate
money
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 to these kinds of charitable
organizations
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 in hope that they would maximize the potential of the donation in helping
others
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.
Others
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,
me
Correct pronoun usage
myself
show examples
 included,
however
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, hold the opposite view of the argument mentioned above because there might be corruption and under-the-table deals involved with the
money
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 donated within a large charitable
organization
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 and
thus
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 impede the effectiveness or even defeats the purpose of the donation. Some
people
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 could not help but
harbor
Change the spelling
harbour
show examples
 some suspicion
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the possibility of whether corruption could occur over the process of passing
money
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 from one intermediary to another; even if the intermediaries are somewhat reliable, just how soon
this
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money
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 could reach those in need and whether those in need actually want financial assistance or some other forms of support are questions waiting to be answered.
Thus
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, with these doubts in mind,
people
Use synonyms
 would consider making
direct
Add an article
a direct
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contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to those in the local community as the least
worst
Change the adjective
bad
show examples
 option and would gladly do so just to avoid any risks that might be involved in donating to
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
Use synonyms
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
this
Linking Words
 kind of prudent attitude towards those who yearn for help that dissuades
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
donors from donating
money
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 to large
organizations
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. To conclude, smaller charitable
organizations
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 are preferred, seeing as how the possibility
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 corruption I have mentioned in the previous paragraph is inevitable. The ability to critically think about the risks involved and not have blind faith in large charitable
organizations
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a must. It is imperative that before choosing which
organization
Use synonyms
 to donate
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
, transparency is a key indicator that shows that
this
Linking Words
organization
Use synonyms
 is to be trusted.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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