IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
show examples
and that most of us treat them as opportunities to have fun.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that enjoyment seems to be the priority during festival times, I do not agree that
people
Use synonyms
 have forgotten what these
festivals
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 mean. On the one hand, religious and traditional
feast
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feasts
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 have certainly become times for celebration. In the UK,
Christmas
Use synonyms
 is a good example of a festival period when
people
Use synonyms
 are most concerned with shopping, giving and receiving presents, decorating their homes and enjoying traditional meals with their families. Most
people
Use synonyms
 look forward to
Christmas
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 as a holiday period, rather than a time to practise religion. Similar behaviour can be seen during non-religious
festivals
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,
such
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 as Bonfire Night.
People
Use synonyms
 associate
this
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 occasion with making fires, watching fireworks displays, and perhaps going to large events in local parks;
in other words
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, enjoyment is
people
Use synonyms
’s primary goal.
However
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, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of
such
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festivals
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 has been forgotten. In UK primary schools, children learn in detail about the religious reasons for celebrating
Christmas
Use synonyms
, Easter and a variety of
festivals
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 in other religions.
For example
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, in late
In
Change preposition
apply
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December, children sing
Christmas
Use synonyms
 songs which have religious content, and they may even perform nativity plays telling the story of Jesus’ birth. Families
also
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 play a role in passing knowledge of religious
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
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’ deeper significance to the next generation. The same is true for
feast
Fix the agreement mistake
feasts
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 that have a historical background,
such
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 as Bonfire Night or Halloween, in the sense that folk generally learn the stories behind these occasions at an early age. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
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 mainly want to enjoy themselves during
holiday
Add an article
the holiday
a holiday
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, I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations.

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
What to do next:
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