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Band 5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issue involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent you agree or dis agree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum #dis
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In the modern era, the number of obesity among people has dramatically increased, which contribute to more workload for
public
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the public
show examples
 health organization. Some people believe that the promising
strategie
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strategies
strategy
 to decrease
this
Linking Words
 disastrous condition is to put physical
program
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programs
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 more seriously in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
. In
this
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 essay, the reason to support my agreement
to
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with
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 the view will be presented in the following paragraphs. In the effort to tackle the problems,
school
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the school
a school
show examples
 needs to provide the proper knowledge
raise
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to raise
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 awareness among students about the
deletrimental
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detrimental
consequneces
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consequences
consequence
 of obesity, which can worsen their life by making them ugly,
being
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apply
show examples
cause
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the cause
a cause
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of
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apply
show examples
various illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure, diabetes, heart attacks, respiratory problems, and many more. After that, teachers can educate children
how
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on how
show examples
 to exercise and how to choose what to consume for
healthy
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a healthy
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 life.
For example
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of drinking soft drinks, which
contains
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contain
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high
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a high
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 amount of sugar and calories, teachers can urge them to
drinks
Wrong verb form
drink
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 diet coke
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
provide
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provides
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similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 taste, but no calories.
By
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In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, children can make
cleaver
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clever
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dicision
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decisions
 to eat.
Secondly
Linking Words
, increasing time in physical education can encourage students to reduce their weight. Because they have more time to play
sport
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sports
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 with their friends and move
thier
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their
 body
instead
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 of sitting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class, they burn more calories and eventually
lossing
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losing
loosing
 weight.
Moreover
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, playing
sport
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sports
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 is not only good for physical health
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 mental health as it acts as relaxing
activities
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activity
show examples
.
For instance
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, exercise can
relief
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relieve
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 the stress from
drudgery
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the drudgery
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 and monotony
life
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of life
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.
Therefore
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, more period for PE class is
reccommended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 in every school to make pupils happy. In conclusion, adding more time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
sport
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
cirriculum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 have various benefits
to
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for
show examples
 children including
reduce
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reducing
show examples
 the risks of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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severe sicknesses, and
anxiousity
Correct your spelling
anxiously
anxious
 among students. Presumably, I strongly agree that
this
Linking Words
 model should be implemented in all schools.
Submitted by chutirat.work on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on the health care system
  • introduce
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • overweight
  • nutrition
  • balanced diet
  • obesity-related diseases
  • genetic factors
  • socioeconomic status
  • reevaluation
  • academic priorities
  • holistic approach
  • public health policies
  • community support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: