Obesity is becoming a major problem for kids and adults. What causes this problem and how to overcome it.

#obesity #kids #adults

Nowadays, weight gain is increasing at all ages, and because of ,

this

there are so many problems among people.

First

, the biggest problem of

this

issue is apparently a lot of diseases among children and adults.

For instance

, eating fast-food and unhealthy food causes to apprentice diabetes and for

this

, the disease you should eat the drugs that cause more obesity.

On the other hand

, some people are overweight because they stopped exercising.

For example

, My sister after migration could not continue their activity and causes increasing her weight and harming her health.

However

, people should pay more attention to their diet and include exercise in their diets if they want to solve

this

problem. I

finally

want to emphasize that kids and adults should pay closer attention to how they live and how they behave on a daily basis and eat.

Submitted by mahnazshafie1998 on Sat Jan 07 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

143 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Obesity is becoming a major problem for kids and adults. What causes this problem and how to overcome it.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

Some people believe that technology has made our lives more complicated and the solution is to live a simple life without technology. Agree or disagree?

Some people think teachers have a greater influence than parents on the development of a child's intelligence and social skills. Do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinión.

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with others people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?