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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, full-time university students tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #focus #people #activities
Nowadays,
students
 who are full-time at the
university
 are inclined to focus on their
education
, some would argue that it is vital for these
students
 to do other
activities
 while they attend the
university
. I totally disagree with
this
 statement because these
students
 might get involved in nocive
activities
 and they will have plenty of time after getting a degree to do other
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 as well. Many young
students
 who try to help their parents with their tuition start looking for a
partime
Correct your spelling
part-time
 job because it is the right thing to
so
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
.
Firstly
, some of them are hired by
nighclubs
Correct your spelling
nightclubs
 or restaurants where alcohol is served, so the chances for them to start drinking alcohol highly
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
.
Also
, it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 just the alcohol, many of them combine drugs and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 illegal
substaces
Correct your spelling
substances
substance
 to avoid their parents
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 they were drinking.
For instance
, in The
Unites
Correct your spelling
United
show examples
 States, it is well known that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unicversity
Correct your spelling
university
university's
students
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
partime
Correct your spelling
part-time
 job at nightclubs, and reliable studies
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that the majority of
these student
Change the determiner
this student
these students
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not complete their
education
 because they usually get into drugs.
Education
 is a
privilige
Correct your spelling
privilege
 and those who have the opportunity to attend classes at
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 level must focus all their attention to
succed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in their educational goal. More
important
Replace the word
importantly
show examples
, the load of
assigments
Correct your spelling
assignments
 are immense and these
students
 need to focus on
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 be able to complete all the tasks.
Secondly
, they will have
plently
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of time to get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
activities
 after they finish their degree. To explain
further
, in Mexico
education
 system
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not allow their
students
 to work while they attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
 because they are
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 morning and night time with several professors, and many statistics have proved that
this
 has led that the majority of
students
 reach to get a licence. To conclude, it is important that
university
students
 get involved in other
activities
 while they study,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the risk that these
students
 might face while working
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 they might not finish their educational
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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