IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

PEOPLE ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE OBESE. What are the reasons of this problem and how can this be solved?

#people #be
There's a saying in Telugu,'If you can control your mouth,you can control your life'.Unfortunately,most of the
people
 in the current generation are failing to do so,unlike in the olden days,and
that is
 the primary reason why our forefathers were fit and healthy.Obesity has become an issue we need to concentrate on and do whatever it takes to eradicate
this
 obnoxious disease,as I would like to address it. In
this
 fast-paced society,
people
 have become so much engrossed in meeting the standards set by society to achieve what they call "success",but they're ignoring the fact that the so-called success they've achieved is of no use when their physical health is at stake.In
this
 generation where there's processed food everywhere,
people
 are usually eating what they like rather than what they should.When we ask them when was the
last
 time they had something healthy,they're having a tough time recalling.Online food delivery applications
such
 as swiggy,zomato etc. have made the situation even worse,as everything is at a click's distance now,unlike a few days ago when you had to travel to get what you want which requires a substantial amount of work.And all these obese
people
 have come up with new terms "
body
 positivity" and "self-love" to get away with how they are.
People
 really need to know what the definition of
body
 positivity and self-love is.It is having immense love and respect for your
body
 that you would want to change it and make it better.
Nevertheless
,the problem of obesity has not gone past hand yet.If we respond as soon as possible, things would fall into place.
First
 and foremost
people
 should be cautious about what's going into their mouths,eating right consistently is the
first
 step to eradicating obesity.
People
 should change their gears and increase their physical activity.I would strongly recommend
people
 to start working out as it has magnificent physical and mental benefits.And I'm not completely against having processed foods,it's okay to quench your craving once in a while.We are humans after all. 'Sound mind in the Sound
body
' should be our motto.One
body
 is all we have,and it is our duty to take care, of and look after it because our
body
 is a temple.Thank you!
Submitted by advaithsomula on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: