The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend
Here is the corrected version of your text:
The concept of a five-day workweek has been a cornerstone of our
work
life. This
traditional schedule was formed by more and more experience over the century. I totally disagree as an employee; finding other alternatives would be better than reducing work
hours.
A new vision at work
brings both advantages and disadvantages. All these intentions are meant to improve life quality, reduce stress, and enhance work
effectiveness. Some think this
change could enhance productivity, improve mental health, and boost the overall
quality of life. Some studies show that a decreased workweek increases job effectiveness. But it cannot cover the damage. In this
situation, it would badly affect all types of companies and state establishments. Organizing a new method and approach, such
as giving napping time
, working remotely, and having a flexible schedule, would be better.
In Japan, napping is well-organized after lunchtime and assists in improving work
productivity and reducing stress. Nowadays, remote working is booming, especially in IT professions, English teaching, and medical transcription. We should develop these kinds of jobs. A flexible time
schedule would be a direct alternative to shorter work
hours.
On the other hand
, employers might pay attention to how much workload employees have to manage rather than how much time
they spend working each week. Also
, paying higher salaries could be a solution for reducing stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. This
would enable employees to buy what they want, go
to places they really want to visit, and their gained stock could help the bad economic situation.
Correct word choice
and go
To conclude
, I think reducing work
time
is not the solution to the problem. We should try the other alternatives mentioned before.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the question prompt and provides a clear argument against reducing the workweek duration. However, some of your arguments could benefit from further elaboration or more varied examples to underscore your points.
coherence cohesion
While your arguments follow a logical sequence, introducing each point in a more organized fashion could enhance clarity. For instance, explicitly stating 'Firstly, Secondly, Lastly' would guide your reader more smoothly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph remains focused on a single main idea, with clearer connections between ideas and examples. This will help strengthen the internal coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay concludes with a clear statement of your opinion, re-emphasizing your stance against a shorter workweek while suggesting other viable solutions.
relevant specific examples
You demonstrate a good understanding of the topic and provide relevant specific examples, like the practice of napping in Japan and the rise of remote working.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.