IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Due to the influence of worldwide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is decreasing. The introduction of this global culture is a great benefit to the world. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?

#influence #media #television #computers #gap #cultures #introduction #culture #benefit #world
The chart gives you information on how
children
 travelled to and from
school
 in the years 1990 and 2010. The modes of transport were by
car
, walking, cycling, walking and by
bus
 and by
bus
 only. A striking feature in
this
 chart is that the
number
 of
children
 who travelled by
car
 has increased from 1990 to 2010. In 1990 the most
number
 of
trips
 per year by
children
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 by walking.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in
2010
Add a comma
,2010
show examples
 it reduced to up to 6
million
trips
 per year. The total
number
 of
trips
 to
school
 by cycling and walking and
bus
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 approximately 6
million
 in 1990.
However
 the
number
 of
trips
 to
school
 by cycling
reduced
Add a missing verb
was reduced
show examples
 to 2
million
 and the
number
 of
trips
 to
school
 by walking and
bus
reduced
Add a missing verb
was reduced
show examples
 to about 3
million
 in 2010. There isn’t a significant change to the
number
 of
trips
 to
school
 by
bus
. In 1990 it was about 7
million
 and in 2010 it came down to approximately 5
million
. In 1990 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
children
 who travelled to and from
school
 by
car
 was significantly lower than the
children
Correct quantifier usage
number of children
show examples
 who travelled
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 walking.
In contrast
 in
2010
Add a comma
,2010
show examples
 the
number
 of
children
 who travelled to
school
 by
car
 increased and the
number
 of
children
 walking to
school
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased. In 2010
children
 travelled to
school
 by
bus
 more than they cycled to
school
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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