IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

To succeed in a business, one needs to be good at Math. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#business #math
In today’s world, the
business
 field is in great demand from
people
 around the world. Some
people
 think that
people
 (
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
) who want to work in
business related
Add a hyphen
business-related
show examples
 fields,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need to be good at Math.
This
 essay will show my greater tendency of prioritizing technological
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and mastering persuasive knowledge in order to improve their
business
 (achieve
business
 goals/vision).
First
 and foremost, in
this
 developed era, businessmen should possess
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in technology in order to compete with others.
This
 is caused by the rapid development of the internet which provides a place for every kind of
business
 to work on an online platform. Since online purchasing is increasing more and more, many traders may move to the more profitable way which is online shops (because
customers
 nowadays prefer to shop in online markets).
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
offline stores cannot reach broad
customers
, since they only provide the
products
 for their surroundings.
In contrast
, online stores can connect with many
people
 easily and it leads to an increase in their takings (better to use personal experience).
Therefore
, the
ability
 to operate
such
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technological tools is essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traders to provide
customers
’ needs.
Furthermore
,
People
 who work in the
business
 field should have
a good persuasive knowledge
Remove the article
good persuasive knowledge
a piece of good persuasive knowledge
show examples
, because they need to encourage many individuals to purchase
products
Correct article usage
the products
show examples
 that they sell. In these circumstances, the
ability
 to attract humans is the most needed
skill
 in order to gain as much profit for their company (attract new
customers
 to buy the company's
products
).
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 company which offers high-quality
products
 needs
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing
skill
 to persuade
customers
 (
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
:
cooking
Correct article usage
a cooking
show examples
 demo).
Hence
,
this
skill
 is
worth-learning
Correct your spelling
worth learning
show examples
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 math itself. In conclusion,
although
 many
people
 need to master numerical skills for calculating their profits, other skills
such
 as the
ability
 to follow the market trends in the technology era and the
ability
 to attract more
people
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crucial ones.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: