IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, more and more people are concerned about their health and nutrition. Many of them pay special attention to the composition of the products they buy in grocery stores, but
nevertheless
Linking Words
 that a huge variety of products are scientifically proven to be unhealthy and some people believe that they should not be on sale on store shelves. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for a number of reasons. To commence with, a large number of
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks are made with the addition of preservatives and dyes and many people, especially children and adolescents, buy and feed them on a daily basis. Appropriately, there may be digestive problems, stomach
ache
Fix the agreement mistake
aches
show examples
 or skin rashes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if a person is allergic to any product in the composition, there may be atrocious consequences,
for instance
Linking Words
, being in the hospital for a long period of time.
In addition
Linking Words
, many of these products have low nutritional value,
therefore
Linking Words
, a person does not eat up and after a short period of time feels hungry again, while the body does not receive all the necessary nutrients
such
Linking Words
 as proteins, fats and carbohydrates.
As a result
Linking Words
, feeling unwell, fatigue and headaches appear.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, junk
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 benefits. The main advantage is that you do not need to bother with its cooking and it is ideal for a snack. Many parents buy their children
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 for school or other activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because in small quantities it does not pose any harm to health.
Also
Linking Words
, many teenagers and adults prefer
such
Linking Words
 snacks at parties, but in small portions. To sum up, junk
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks in large quantities are harmful to human health,
therefore
Linking Words
, in order to avoid problems, it is necessary to control their amount on a daily basis.
Submitted by mariyanice001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: