IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should be punished if their children commit crimes because they are responsible for their children's actions

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I partly agree. In my opinion, it depends on the different situations of families.
Parents
Use synonyms
 affecting their
children
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 to break the law should take the responsibility for their kids, but if
children
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 are doing
this
Linking Words
 not because of their family,
then
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 they need to take the result by themselves. The reason why
parents
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 should take responsibility for their
children
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 is that they are the role models for their
children
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 in the family. They could be the factors that influenced their kids as young individuals are not mature enough to have a
self-conscious
Replace the word
self-consciousness
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 to think what things are correct.
For example
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, if
parents
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 always show violence, drink alcohol, or even get drugs,
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this behaviours
Change the determiner
this behaviour
these behaviours
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 could easily give a negative effect on their
children
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, and
then
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 they might think these bad habits are normal.
Thus
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, they would do the same things as their
parents
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.
However
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, teenagers could still doing crimes even
their
Correct word choice
though their
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 elder family members have already been a role-model for their
children
Use synonyms
. They may be affected by external influence.
For instance
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, some young people who are over eighteen could live alone or with their friends since they have abilities to live without their family members. At that time, they may get in touch with other peers having bad habits or family
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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.
Therefore
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, they could
also
Linking Words
 try illegal things because they think it is cool. In conclusion,
parents
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 should be punished if their
children
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 commit crimes but not all of them should take the responsibility for their
children
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. Some of the
children
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 should take
this
Linking Words
 result by themselves because they are not affected by their
parents
Use synonyms
.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental responsibility
  • Upbringing
  • Influence
  • Accountability
  • Ethically justifiable
  • Legal ramifications
  • Systemic issues
  • Community programs
  • Personal choice
  • Peer influence
What to do next:
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