IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
It is argued that the expansion of
sports
 centres would play a significant role in the rising of community
health
, whereas some people opine that
this
 solution might help a few to improve
health
besides
 the efficient steps that should be taken to tackle
this
 problem. On the one hand, these days a great deal of people suffers from a lack of movement, and
as a result
,
this
 could lead to obesity and countless illness that threaten their
level
 of
health
. With develop the places for exercise and the rise of the community’s awareness about the impact of taking up a sport, people could start an activity,
in addition
, with increasing the number of
sports
 facilities, youngsters and pupils are encouraged to go there.
for example
, after ,schools a large number of energic students go to
this
 place and divide into groups and take up team
sports
 like football, basketball, etc. Or individual
sports
such
 as martial art, bodybuilding, etc.so
this
 solution is a good choice to influence society's
health
.
On the other hand
, the expansion of
sports
 facilities is not enough only, and other steps should be taken to rising the
level
 of public
health
.
Firstly
, the majority of the community is not aware of the approaches to growing their wealth.
Furthermore
, they need to educate. the best place to be aware of society is television and schools. the government should alarm folk about the
level
 of consuming fast foods, oil etc.
in addition
, the government should force manufacturers to decrease the
level
 of palm in their oily products and produce free-fat foodstuffs. To sum up,
although
 the development of a number of places for games and
sports
 has a great impact on increasing the
level
 of community wealth, other measures
such
 as educating society and producing wealthy foodstuff should be taken to rising public
health
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: