IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time , and have health problems as a result. Why do many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem ?

#people #exercise #time #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, people are not doing enough
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 either during their working day or in their leisure
time
.
This
 is due to heavy workloads at their jobs and expensive
gyms
 ,while
this
 issue can be solved by reducing
work
 pressure on employees and by cheaper availability of
fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. To start with the concept of why people are not getting enough exercise is because of some possible reasons .
First
 of all, workers have lots of
work
 at their jobs and they have to complete
this
 before a particular deadline .
As a result
 , they give all of their
time
 and energy to
work
 rather than thinking about any physical activities.
Secondly
,
gyms
 are available at higher costs in these recent days ,
as a result
, employees are unable to join the
fitness
 classes due to an expensive budget.
For instance
 , one of the local
gyms
 in my area charges fifteen dollars for an hour .
Therefore
, the abovementioned elements are mainly responsible for giving poor attention to health .
However
, working individuals have some
time
 for themselves, If their manager
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 some breaks to their staff during their working day along with less amount of
work
then
 individuals could think about themselves and do some outdoor workouts. Another possible solution might be that regimes should lower the joining fee of
fitness
 spots so,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 can join
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
without any concern
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 money .
In addition
 to
this
 ,
gyms
also
 provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free uniform and some
pair
Fix the agreement mistake
pairs
show examples
 of shoes to their members .
Hence
 , these solutions must be helpful to tackle the problem. In conclusion , it is true that people are not able to give
time
 to themselves due to their hectic
work
 day and expensive
fitness
 tools but the manager and government play a key role in addressing
this
 problem very well.
Submitted by bandhana322 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: