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Band 4

Stress-related illness are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#illness
In the current 4.0 era,
social
Change the adjective
socially
show examples
 become more
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
,
mental
Correct word choice
and mental
show examples
health
 should
cared
Change the verb form
care
show examples
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 and more
over
Change preposition
apply
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because people
influenced
Add a missing verb
are influenced
show examples
 by
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
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much. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, mental illness
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 becoming grow very fast. Actually, there are many
agent
Change to a plural noun
agents
show examples
 including the
patient
's internal organs and external factors.
First
, we will talk about the
patient
's internal organs, if you
thinked
Correct your spelling
think
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffer
Change the verb form
suffers
show examples
 from
that
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 illness even though they didn't do anything wrong, you should change that sense because
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we rarely have a meal full of nutrients or do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercises. That will lead to our
health
 will gradually decrease. If you do not know, physical
health
 has a very close relationship to mental
health
.
Next
, I will mention
extenal
Correct your spelling
external
 factors like family, friends, or
colleage
Correct your spelling
colleague
college
colleagues
. They are people who communicate with
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
,
especial
Change the word
especially
show examples
 family
is affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 them most. If we have a happy family, we are always in a happy state because we receive full love from our parents and loved ones.
On the contrary
, we rarely have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
joy and
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 in a mentally unstable state. That will be very
terible
Correct your spelling
terrible
. I am not an expert in psychology so I can give the best solution for
Add an article
the patient
a patient
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 but in my point of view, these solutions may help you feel more comfortable when you're sick. When you are under the pressure,
first
 of
all
Add the comma(s)
,all
show examples
 you should drink some water and try to breathe evenly. In
this
 state, you have to keep
the
Change the word
your
show examples
 mind at ease by not doing or thinking about anything. If it's convenient, take a nap and
then
 when you wake up you'll feel better. But in case, your illness
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 very bad, I must see your doctor for the best treatment
Submitted by writing65dl on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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