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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in team sports, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #team #sports #football
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While
 many believe that playing
sports
 in teams offers more benefits to the players, others argue that solo
sports
such
 as swimming grant people ideal chances to develop themselves. In my opinion, the latter draws my support. On the one hand, it is undeniably true that
sports
 which are played in teams provide fertile ground for enhancing the sense of
team
 spirit, building comradery and group empathy. To be more specific, only by making joint efforts can fellow players achieve a mutual goal
such
 as winning a match or breaking a record. Take football as a typical example, it requires the cooperation of the whole
team
 to score a goal against the opponent
team
.
In addition
, taking part in
team
sports
 opens up golden opportunities for humans to establish brand-new relationships with sportsmen from all over the globe.
This
,
as a result
, expands people’s social circles and develops their interpersonal skills, which is potentially advantageous for them in their work and daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I would side with the view that participation in individual
sports
 is more beneficial when compared to
team
 ones.
Firstly
, those who play solo
sports
 can be able to reinforce their self-reliance and self-confidence.
This
 might be explained by the fact that once
entering
Wrong verb form
they enter
show examples
 a competition, they have no companions to rely on, both physically and mentally.
For
this
 reason, failure or success completely depends on their determination, which demands them to push ahead with their efforts and deliver better performance.
Secondly
, to play
sports
 alone means that integral life skills including goal setting and emotional management are fostered. Indeed, countless hurdles on the way to success
such
 as pains and losses only make players become tougher and more resilient than ever. In conclusion,
whereas
 engaging in
team
sports
carry
Correct subject-verb agreement
carries
show examples
 certain strong points, I hold a belief that people would reap many more benefits from playing them individually.
Submitted by duongle.dav on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more engaging and impactful. Try to make them more compelling to captivate the reader from the beginning and leave a lasting impression at the end.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the topic comprehensively and provided clear, relevant ideas. However, ensure that your examples are backed up with specific details and evidence to strengthen your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • camaraderie
  • teamwork
  • leadership skills
  • social interactions
  • self-reliance
  • personal discipline
  • cooperative learning
  • peer motivation
  • flexible schedule
  • psychological benefits
  • collective achievements
  • sense of accomplishment
  • personal accountability
  • wellness goals
  • social interaction
  • personal mastery
  • solitary tendencies
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