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Band 5

Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past. Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this?

#opportunities #women #people #situation
Today females have more opportunities than it was in
ancient
Add an article
the ancient
show examples
 world. Now they can study at school ,
university
Correct word choice
or university
show examples
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 take part in voting etc. Many individuals feel that
this
 scenario has given more issues than correcting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement
Firstly
, nowadays we have many already educated
women
 and many girls studying at schools and universities.
As a result
 , educated and clever people are increasing in our society.
That is
 mean our economy ,
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
,
government
Correct word choice
and government
show examples
 will become
batter
Correct your spelling
better
show examples
 and stronger .
In Addition
,
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
 will appear frequently just because of the fact that around 40% are
female
Add an article
a female
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
.
Secondly
, now girls can choose
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 role and decide
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they want to be.
For instance
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the 18 century in
England
Add a comma
,England
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
show examples
women
 could be only a housewife.
However
 , today ladies can work out
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 want to have
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 and take care of
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 family or
she
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
single independent
women
Correct the article-noun agreement
woman
show examples
 and make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Furthermore
, females
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 many ways more gifted than males.
For example
, in cooking , painting ,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medicine etc.
Accordingly
 more
jubs
Correct your spelling
jobs
 now taking by them so, they
also
 become the source of money and stabilities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
theire
Correct your spelling
their
 families. Personally, I am happy that now
women
 can do what they want and nowadays they have already broken
myth
Correct article usage
the myth
show examples
 that
women
 are weak gender. In conclusion, the variety of opportunities for
women
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 our world and
modify
Correct subject-verb agreement
modifies
show examples
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 society to more equality, and
harmonious
Replace the word
harmony
show examples
.
However
, we men do not need to forget that we need to help , support and encourage our wives , girlfriends , friends, sisters, mums etc.
Submitted by tolik.sm.id on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • social justice
  • economic development
  • innovation
  • traditional family roles
  • shared responsibilities
  • diverse perspectives
  • creativity
  • decision-making
  • educational opportunities
  • work-life balance
  • traditionalists
  • societal friction
  • gender roles
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