IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
It is clear that the number of times to violate the
law
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some criminals, who accomplished their
first
 penalty, would be growing. In my opinion, it is because the imposed punishments cannot help them realize the significance of obeying the
law
, which can be solved by enhancing costs and providing lectures. It seems logical that most violations of regulations are caused by the dearth of cognition in following the
law
, and
in other words
, the reason why people are willing to break rules even though they have paid for their previous commitment is that they still cannot learn from forfeits.
For example
, some individuals in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 love robbing luxurious stores like LV, Gucci, etc. of their leather bags, and nobody can prevent
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 since the local police would just take them to the police station and provide them with some verbal education
instead
 of sending them to jails, which would not threaten these offenders. To solve the problem, the most vital thing is to correct the views of
law
-breakers on offending the
law
.
First
 of all, a heavier punishment in various manners would be suggested, and they probably think it is not worth
to commit
Change the verb form
committing
show examples
 crimes. As for the case mentioned above, the rights and the money of opulent shops can be protected better if robbers should pay back 10 times the total value of the bags.
Besides
, mandatory courses can be added
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the costs of disobeying the
law
, and correct values can be passed through these courses. In conclusion, many offenders continue
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
conducting more crimes after finishing their
first
 penalty. From my perspective, it is mainly because they do not realize the importance of performing legally, which can be taught via lectures as a part of punishments, and
in addition
, heavier penalties should be enforced.
Submitted by wangjue60 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: