IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #time
In today's society,
individuals
 responsible for caring for the elderly often find themselves strapped for
time
.
This
 issue stems from challenges in managing
time
 effectively but can be mitigated through a restructuring of
work
 schedules. The fundamental cause of
this
 predicament lies in the disparity between
work
 commitments and familial responsibilities. It is imperative to recognize that a significant portion of the workforce constantly grapples with the demands of their jobs.
Consequently
, they frequently struggle to allocate sufficient
time
 to attend to their families, particularly the elderly.
For instance
, in bustling urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, citizens are compelled to adhere to a relentless
work
 pace, resulting in burdensome workloads that leave little room for personal matters. Another contributing factor may be the challenge of balancing
time
 among family members. Essentially,
individuals
 may encounter difficulties in ensuring equitable attention to each family member.
Consequently
, some
individuals
 may receive disproportionate care,
while
 others are neglected.
This
 inequity can evoke feelings of resentment and despondency among those receiving inadequate attention, often sparking discord within the family unit. One plausible solution to
this
 conundrum is to restructure
work
 schedules. It is essential to acknowledge that by achieving a balance between professional commitments and personal
time
,
individuals
 can afford more attention to their families.
Moreover
, with greater control over their schedules, workers can foster harmonious relationships with family members, thereby fostering familial cohesion.
Hence
, it is evident that a revised approach to
time
 management holds promise in ameliorating the dearth of quality
time
. In conclusion, the scarcity of
time
 stems from an imbalance in
time
 allocation.
Therefore
, effective
time
 management emerges as the optimal remedy to
such
 challenges.

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from including more specific examples. While the points made are valid, integrating real-life situations or relevant statistics could strengthen the argument further.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. The essay already has a clear structure, but a more engaging opening and a stronger, more impactful conclusion could elevate the overall quality.
coherence cohesion
Consider diversifying sentence structures to improve readability and engagement. While the essay is clear and comprehensive, varying sentences can make the content more dynamic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear, logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported, providing a comprehensive understanding of the issues discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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