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Writing Samples /
Band 4

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to the social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer including any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
We live in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 era where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology gives us the opportunity to see
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person’s life and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
social
status
.
Person’s
Correct article usage
A person’s
show examples
 worth
presently
Add a missing verb
is presently
show examples
 valued based on social
status
 and material possession rather than the old-fashioned
for instance
 honour,
kindness
, and other things. Despite the truth
seems
Wrong verb form
seeming
show examples
 true, I am disagreeing with the statement because the
out-dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
 value and good behaviour still matter and
urgent
Add a missing verb
are urgent
show examples
 to be seen. While people only can see the visible aspect, those who
selfish
Add a missing verb
are selfish
show examples
 to get what they want will be untrustworthy. Honour and
kindness
 which is unseen
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 human, are the most vital
attitude
 in
this
 era. Based on my standpoint and experience, let’s look
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
president
Replace the word
presidential
show examples
 election in my country. Societies are promised by their experience in leading many organisations and projects, yet we did not know whether they have a good
attitude
 or just
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
this
 occasion for their social
status
.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 a reliable leader to hold
this
 country in order that there are no discrepancies among the community.
In addition
, many corruptors have
problematic
Add an article
a problematic
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in their
attitude
 even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 had a lot of properties, cars, and money. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
status
judged
Add a missing verb
is judged
show examples
 more important, there will be troubles
occurs
Wrong verb form
occurring
show examples
 in aspects of life
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Does the old-fashioned
attitude
 only important in politics and
stakeholder
Fix the agreement mistake
stakeholders
show examples
? Absolutely no. Many jobs require these values to run their business and determine their
next
 leader. I believe that the social
status
 of
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 can be
similarly
Replace the word
similar
show examples
 and equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their honesty and
kindness
.
However
, it should be emphasized that even
so
Correct word choice
though so
show examples
 many individuals craving for their social
status
 and fortune, they should care
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 other. It
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
simple statement but hard to
implemented
Change the form of the verb
implement
show examples
. To conclude,
although
 social
status
 as well as wealth
important
Add a missing verb
is important
show examples
 in our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, we should remember that
kindness
 is required to keep
this
 humanity sense. Not only for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brilliant creature
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but for all the
existence
Replace the word
existing
show examples
things
Change preposition
of things
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
earth
Add an article
the earth
show examples
.
Submitted by maryzashabira on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
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