IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries small shops and town centers are going out of business because people tend to drive to the large-out-of town stores. This results to an increase in car use and it also means that people without cars have limited access to out of the town stores. Do you think the advantages of such development outweigh its disadvantages?

#countries #shops #town #centers #business #people #drive #large-out-of #stores #results #car #cars #access #development
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In their busy ,schedule
people
Use synonyms
 do not have enough time to freak out their stress so, they try to do
this
Linking Words
 while shopping so , they prefer to buy things from the countryside shopping centre.
However
Linking Words
, it increases air
pollution
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 because of the usage of the car for shopping as well as
traffic
Use synonyms
 on the
roads
Use synonyms
, while there is only one advantage and
that is
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 get more cheap products compared to small
shops
Use synonyms
 and the town centre.
people
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 tend to use a car for shopping for their grocery and other necessary things which increase air
pollution
Use synonyms
 reason behind
that is
Linking Words
 every single family use their personal automobile and it increases the number of
car
Change to a plural noun
cars
show examples
 on the
roads
Use synonyms
, and due to
this
Linking Words
 the carbon emission rate shows a spike.
For example
Linking Words
,the study by the government
pollution
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 board, in India shows that
pollution
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 has been increasing in metropolitan for a few decades.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, more
people
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 prefer to shop from remote stores increasing
traffic
Use synonyms
 problems on the
roads
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a developing country like India, the public always tries to find
a cheap items
Correct the article-noun agreement
cheap items
a cheap item
show examples
 for that they are ready to travel several kilometres because of
this
Linking Words
traffic
Use synonyms
 jams occur on
roads
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 which connect the city with the sub-burb. For
this
Linking Words
 ,
reason
Add an article
the reason
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 the trend of shopping in the countryside
shops
Use synonyms
 is a negative development. the only positive side of shopping in form countryside
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 is , the public can get cheaper products.The reason is there is fewer tax imposed by the government. To conclude, the trend of shopping from large out-of-town
shops
Use synonyms
 rather than small
shops
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 and shopping centres
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as an increment in air
pollution
Use synonyms
 and
traffic
Use synonyms
 on
roads
Use synonyms
 compared to advantages like
Add an article
a
show examples
cheap
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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