Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, people are too obsessed with buying or acquiring material things such as expensive clothes or cars because, they think that people around them will judge them based on what they possess.

#people #clothes #cars #judge

Many and many

people

are focused on their image in society. They try to buy expensive stuff

such

as trendy

clothes

or luxury cars because their priority is society's

opinion

of them.

However

, is it a reality for the majority of the

people

? On the one hand, young

people

are more obsessed with other's

opinion

Fix the agreement mistake

opinions

show examples

so they try to buy fashionable, designed

clothes

to look cool. It happens because a big number of individuals want to create a rich personal image.

For instance

, some

people

rent a luxury car to look cool in the eyes of their friends, despite the fact that they can not afford

this expensive vehicles

Change the determiner

this expensive vehicle

these expensive vehicles

show examples

Moreover

, many individuals prepare to loan

money

from the bank only because they want to be cool.

On the other hand

, there are numerous smart

people

who think rationally so they do not care about others.

This

type of individual has high self-esteem so they do not need expensive goods to create a positive

opinion

of somebody.

For example

, billionaires

such

as Mark Zuckerberg wear simple, comfortable

clothes

because they do not care about others'

opinion

Fix the agreement mistake

opinions

show examples

and are focused on their own comfort.

Furthermore

, they know how to invest

money

accurately so buying

clothes

or luxury cars has no sense for them because they will better invest

this

money

and afterwards will have revenues from it. To sum up, in my

opinion

Add a comma

,opinion

show examples

many

people

are focused on their looks so I fully agree with

this

statement because they try to buy trendy goods and are prepared to loan

money

for it.

Submitted by dominikskorbus on Wed Jan 11 2023

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, people are too obsessed with buying or acquiring material things such as expensive clothes or cars because, they think that people around them will judge them based on what they possess.

Your opinion

Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?

Many adults are returning to school to learn new skills for career change. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?