IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

There is a growing trend where the majority of people believe that giving
children
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 pocket cash on a weekly basis is beneficial;
however
Linking Words
, others hold the opposite opinion. I fully agree with the former point of view, and the following essay will examine both sides of the argument. On the one hand, giving excessive amounts of
money
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 to
children
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 may lead to a misunderstanding of the value of
money
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, potentially harming their financial habits in the future. One of the key reasons adolescents become financially irresponsible is their lack of understanding of how
money
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 is earned and spent.
In addition
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, kids tend to buy unnecessary things on their own at online shops.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted by The New York Times revealed that 70% of
children
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 struggle to save
money
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 and frequently lose or waste it
due to
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 poor financial management.
On the other hand
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, parents should provide kids with pocket
money
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;
otherwise
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, teenagers will suffer from financial management.
This
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 tendency might promote independence and strengthen decision-making skills. Just by giving them a small amount of
money
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 every day, adults will build a sense of responsibility and accountability, which has a positive impact on minors' understanding of the value of
money
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.
Thus
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, encouraging saving habits and developing budgeting skills will be vital in the future.
For example
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, recent studies have shown that two-thirds of residents in the USA have no personal savings, highlighting the importance of early financial education. In conclusion, based on the arguments and examples presented, I strongly believe that providing
children
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 with pocket
money
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 on a weekly basis can greatly benefit them in the long run, equipping them with essential financial skills and encouraging financial literacy.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly explain both sides of the argument before stating your opinion. This helps to create a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly. Words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'for example' can help make your points clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with specific examples to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader.
task achievement
You provided good examples and reasons to support your points, showing your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pocket money
  • benefit
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting skills
  • saving habits
  • independence
  • decision-making
  • financial management
  • value of money
  • earning
  • spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • consequences
  • work ethic
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