IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effects #relationships
It is argued that
people
 need to change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
communication
 in
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 world. The global is modernized from fashion,
daily
Correct word choice
and daily
show examples
 habits to
communication
.
Although
people
 think
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online brings some bad effects on relationships
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe that we
are
Change the verb form
also use
show examples
also
use
 modern
communication
technology
. On the one hand, accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advanced
communication
 is more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
.
Firstly
, it saves a lot of time for everyone.
Instead
 of going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places to meet
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 that
places
Change the verb form
place
show examples
 far from you, you only need a phone or computer that
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
.
Though
Correct your spelling
Through
show examples
technology
, you can share,
talk
Correct word choice
and talk
show examples
 with each other easily.
Secondly
, it makes old
people
 can talk with their friends. Because of their age, they meet
quite
Change the article
aquite
show examples
 difficulty in moving. Thanks to
technology
, seniors have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to chat with friends. They don’t have to
alone
Add a missing verb
be alone
show examples
 it creates boring.
Therefore
, modern
communication
technology
 brings benefits to children,
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and
also
 old
people
.
On the other hand
, we shouldn’t
use
 modern
communication
 because of its negative effects. When using
communication
technology
, you will depend on and lose capacity face-to-face with anyone. In
Add a comma
,reality
show examples
reality
Replace the word
real
show examples
 life, communicating with others will create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conversation more comfortable and friendly.
Moreover
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social networks have many webs
bring
Correct pronoun usage
that bring
show examples
 too much immeasurably dangerous. They will chat with you
through
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 web, make
Add an article
a friend
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 and
then
 they will borrow you some money to do something. So
communication
 online
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 sophisticated and everyone shouldn’t
use
 it. In conclusion, we can
use
communication
technology
 or not.
Although
 it brings convenience, we need to limit
use
Correct pronoun usage
its use
show examples
 because of
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 effects of it.
Submitted by bttha.qn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: